Fear and Tough Decisions

I haven't been posting lately because I've been doing a lot of thinking about Celtic, and what I really want to do with my riding.  I'm not sure if the magnitude of our problems have been really aired on here, but I guess I'll get it out now just to get it out. 

Celtic and I have been having some major issues with contact, going forward, halting, relaxing, almost everything under saddle.  I pretty sure it's a mixture of her and I not really knowing each other, and me not being as sensitive a rider as she needs right now in her training.  Along with this, on this past Sunday I did a trailer school with her where I got crushed into the side of the trailer while she was pulling back on the trailer tie.  For some reason the panic snap didn't undo, so she swung into me, bashing me into the side of the trailer.  This happened twice in rapid succession.  I was alright, just squashed, and worked on getting her relaxed on the trailer and left her on three successful tie-and-closed in the trailer with no pulling or pawing, but once I got home the realizations hit me hard.  I had severe pain throughout my back where I hit the wall and divider, along with at the base of my neck.  I still get twinges today along the top of my shoulders, and the skin along my scalp is tight and when I move my eyebrows, it hurts (strange, I know). 

After Sunday, I dragged (not good...) myself to the barn to do a simple ride on her to see what's going on, I guess kind of like a final ride.  I rode some simple walk-trot work, and it was ok, but not what I wanted.  She wasn't consistent in my hand, and she threatened to buck at one point.  After that ride I realized that she isn't what I want right now, she doesn't fit my needs.  Yes, she's awesome going over fences, really locks on and goes, but I want to be able to school dressage movements sometimes, along with not having to worry about the trip home from the arena, dreading loading up at the beginning and end of each ride. 

I've come to the tough decision to sell Celtic.  I've offered her back to her previous owner if she wants her, and the previous trainer who worked with her over the summer months.  If neither of them are interested, she'll be put up for sale to the public.  She's a nice mare, just not for me.  I'm hoping we'll find someone that can ride her the way she needs now to realyl bring out her full potential because she is going to be quite a competitor once she's finished :)

Sigh